Monday, August 27, 2007

Comedy Writing

I've been re-reading the book "Comedy Writing" by Jenny Roche. I've marked the date when I bought it, and it said "13 Dec 2003". My gulay! It has been with me for almost four years, and I haven't learned anything from it.

The book starts with the question "Can comedy be taught?" The answer, of course, is "Yes, it can." I wouldn't have bought the book had it not been the case. And it is one of the books in the "Teach Yourself" series from the publishers Hodder & Stoughton.

However, it's not an easy thing to learn comedy. That's the part I failed to read when I browsed the book before buying it. There are several exercises in the book to put the things learned into practice. Being a lazy person, I now realize why I haven't written anything funny.

The next part briefly discusses the nature of comedy. It discusses the need for laughter, not only as a form of escapism, but as therapy, as well. It also showed "The Laughter Triangle", a model of how laughter works. The triangle's three points are the vehicle for delivery of material, the funny material, and the recipient of the material.

This part also reminds that the writer "should think carefully about the target of [his] funnies if [he] want[s] to be both responsible in [his] humour, and get the most laughs."

The next two chapters are, I think, the most important ones in the book. The first one talks about what a comedy writer is, how he should be responsible in coming out with his materials. It also provides tips on how to generate ideas.

The second one talks about comedy writing techniques. It discusses the golden rules of comedy:
  1. It must be economical.
  2. It must be self explanatory.
  3. It must be funny.
Now, I know what's missing.

The chapter also discusses about different comedy techniques, such as exaggeration, absurdity, and incongruity.

The rest of the book talks about the different genres of comedy writing, and how one can write for them. This includes script formats, opportunities, advantages and limitations of each genre, dealing on the three points of the Laughter Triangle. This is good reading, especially if one wants to enter the business of comedy writing.

One technique, the put-down, reminds of me of another book that I've read, which I now forget the title. That book says that comedy is really a put-down, a way to "bring down" society, or to deprecate people or established norms. Thus, one should be very careful in being humorous.

An example of a put-down is this: I once had a textmate, and we agreed to meet one day. We described what we're going to wear, where we'll meet, and at what time. I went to the meeting place at our appointed schedule. I saw her, wearing the clothes she described to me. I approached her and asked, "Are you Rose?" She asked back, "Are you Balty?" I answered, "Yes." She said, "I'm not Rose."

Normally, such comedy becomes funnier when the joke is on the speaker.

Never tell a joke to put-down your audience. Hence, if you are asked to give a speech to students of La Salle, Greenhills, you won't tell a story about five dumb Lasallites, even if these five came from Taft. Rather, you should tell a story about five dumb Ateneans.

I am reminded of this because of the uproar on Malu Fernandez's article in People Asia Magazine. In that article, she tries to be funny by putting down OFWs. Her friends thought the article was funny. No, they thought it was hilarious. Fortunately, the rest of the Filipino people thought otherwise.

The situation, of being in the plane with Filipino OFWs, can be a source of humor. She could have put down the people there, but only if she has put herself further down than them. Instead, she wrote as if these people didn't have the right to be in the same place with her.

We've always done that, telling stories that belittle the Filipino. But when we do, it is always with the implicit understanding that we belong to that race. That either we're proud to have the same idiosyncrasies, or that we wish something be done to correct them.

(As I write this, I'm listening to 100.3 Mhz DzRJ. They played the song "What The World Needs Now/Abraham, Martin, John". It starts with a man asking a girl the meaning of the words "segregation", "bigotry", "hatred", and "prejudice". The child did not know these words, except for the last one, which she thought it was when her mother is sick. Then, sounds from a marching group of soldiers, reports on the shooting of John F. Kennedy, a speech by Martin Luther King, the shooting of Robert Kennedy and the eulogy of his brother are interspersed with the music. The song showed how foolish bigotry and prejudice are.)

Going back to the article, Malu used contrasts (another comedy technique) to show the disparity of her taste against the tastes of the OFWs. She writes about "OFWs smelling of AXE and Charlie cologne" while her "Jo Malone evaporate[s] into thin air".

Teka, I like and use AXE, especially the Phoenix scent. I buy the rubber canister because it costs cheaper. Nagmahal na nga. It used to be sold at P 48, but now cost P 64.80 at The Landmark. However, I found a sale at SM Sucat, each cannister being sold at P 25. May libreng scented ballpen pa. I bought the last three.

This post is not a tirade against Malu Fernandez. So many bloggers have spoken against her, forcing her to resign from the magazine. No, she does not deserve the publicity she is getting right now. Albeit it is a bad one, it's still publicity. It will only add to the curiosity, thereby reader(s?) of this blog will go and read her article. That will only increase the number of hits, and, for a magazine, that's additional eyeballs that would not have set on their magazine if this thing has not happened. In the end, it is the magazine who'll be ahead. And what about us, the madlang people? Ganun pa rin hanggang may lumabas ulit na isang Malu Fernandez.

Rather, I would like to thank Malu for teaching me how to write comedy. I guess her lessons taught me more than the book I'm reading.

And Jenny Roche will call this technique "irony".

Friday, August 24, 2007

Lengguwahe

Basahin ang mga sumusunod na mga letra sa Tagalog:

B K W L K M G W.
P R M S Y T W K.
H H H!
T W P.
H H H!
M S Y K N?
T W K P.
H H H!
L L L!
H H H!
T M N.
P R K N T NG!

Nakakatuwa. Sa pamamagitan lang ng mga letra ay nakagawa na ng isang kwento. (Napansin n'yo ba na hindi ko ginamit ang salitang "titik"? Ayaw kong gamitin iyon dahil, bawasan lang ng isang letra, may ibang kahulugan na, na ayaw kong maisip. Ibon siya. Maitim o kulay tsokolate. Kamag-anak ng pato.)

Noong nasa 1st year High School ako, nagkaroon sa paaralan ng extemporaneous speech contest para sa Linggo ng Wika. Palibhasa, bagong salta, akala namin na lahat ng school activities ay kailangang salihan. Dahil ako ang may pinakamakapal na mukha, ako ang isinali ng aming section.

Ito ang topic ng contest: Bakit sinabi ni Rizal na ang Pambansang Wika ay dapat base sa isang katutubong wika, at hindi sa isang wikang banyaga? (Or something like that.)

Ang yabang ng asta ko, pahatak-hatak pa ng aking kwelyo, na parang alam na alam ang paksa. Nakuha ko raw ang atensyon ng mga manonood dahil du'n. Kaso, nang magsalita an ako, para akong isang utot; panay hangin lang ang lumabas, walang laman.

Malay ko ba sa topic! 'Ni hindi ko nga siya naintindihan. Pati 'yung mga sinabi ng iba, hindi ko rin naintindihan. Hindi ko nga maalala na sinabi ni Rizal 'yun. Ang alam ko lang sa kanya, tinapon n'ya ang isang tsinelas matapos mahulog sa ilog 'yung isa. Para raw magamit n'ung makakapulot ng pares. Siguro, narinig ni Gandhi ang kuwentong 'yun kaya ginawa rin n'ya 'yun.

Ang alam ko rin kay Rizal, gumagamit na lang siya ng asin kung maubusan siya ng Colgate. Pero, mga bata, 'wag n'yong gagayahin 'yun. Baka lalong masira ang inyong mga ngipin.

At kung tungkol sa wika, ang alam ko 'yung sa kanta ni Florante:

Si Gat Jose Rizal nuo'y nagwika,
Siya ay nagpangaral sa ating bansa;
Ang hindi raw magmahal sa sariling wika
Ay higit pa ang amoy sa mabahong isda.


Nagdaan ang maraming taon, nalimutan ko ang insidenteng iyon, at ako'y pumasok sa College. Isang subject, Speech, ang aking kinuha. Laking gulat namin nu'ng unang araw ng klase nang sabihin ng titser na ituturo ang kurso sa Filipino. Marami ang biglang tumayo't umalis upang maghanap ng ibang titser. Samantala, abot tenga naman ang ngiti ko.

Sa kursong iyon, nalaman ko na sa mga Eskimo, walang iisang salita ang kahulugan ay "snow". Ito ay dahil sa napakaimportante sa kanila ang yelo. Napag-usapan din mamin na sa ating mga Pilipino ay wala ring isang salita na ang kahulugan ay "rice". Meron tayong "palay", "bigas", "kanin", "lamig", "tutong", "sinangag", "lugaw", "puto", "kunsinta", at iba pa. Sa wikang Inggles, ang mga kahulugan ay "rice", "uncooked rice", "steamed rice", "leftover rice", "burnt rice", "fried rice", "rice porridge", "rice cake", "rice cake", etc.

At bakit hindi? Napakahalaga sa atin ang bigas. Kung sa iba, tinapay ang basic food nila, sa atin naman ay kanin. (NOTE: Sorry sa mga taga-South. Parang kasama ang mais sa kanilang staple food.) Hindi masarap ang ulam kung walang kanin, kahit na ito'y lechon o sugpo. Sa mga naghihikahos naman, kahit asin o toyo ang ulam, basta't may kanin ay makakaraos na sila. Sa katunayan, pansinin mo't halos pareho ang ispeling ng salitang "kanin" at "kain".

Kumbaga, para sa atin, ang kanin ay katumbas ng buhay.

At du'n ko naisip na kailangan ngang ibase sa isang katutubong wika ang pambansang wika. Para maipahayag natin ang ating tunay na damdamin. In English, so that we'll have the exactly right words.

Minsan, may nag-away sa aming opisina. Tatlo lamang kami, isang engineer, isang technician, at ako ang referee. Galit na galit na sinabing paulit-ulit ng isa, "You f@cked me!" Galing ito sa technician; hindi siya nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral. 'Ni hindi nag-i-Inggles sa opisina. Pero, bilib ako sa kanya. Kahit matindi ang kanyang galit, nakapag-isip-isip pa siya't Ingles ang kanyang ginamit, para, marahil, hindi ganoon kasama ang dating. Pinanood ko lang silang magsigawan. Sa isip-isip ko, hindi ako makikialam hangga't sa wikang Ingles nagmumura 'yung isa. Siguro, kung sinabi n'yang "Pu@!#ng ina mo!" o kaya "Kinan@#t mo ako!",baka hindi ko naawat ang dalawa na mag-abot.

Ngayon, ang tanong, bakit Tagalog? O 'yun ba ang tamang tanong? Marahil, ang dapat na tanong ay, bakit 'di natin palaguin at ipalaganap ang Filipino upang maging tanggap sa lahat? Kasi, dapat, buhay ang isang wika. At magiging buhay lang ito kung madaragdagan ng madaragdagan ng mga salita. D'yan, marahil, papasok ang kahalagahan ng paggamit ng Filipino sa iba't ibang pulo sa bansa, nang sa gayon, madaragdagan ng mga salita mula sa kani-kanilang lengguwahe.

Hindi dapat maging "snob" ang wikang Filipino, na panay malalalim na salitang Tagalog lang ang gamit, tulad ng paggamit ng "salump'wit" sa halip na "silya". O kaya "salungs..." Ay, 'wag na. Naalala ko, pang GP nga pala itong blog ko.

'Ika nga ng lumang tanong: Ano ang kaibahan ng Pilipino sa Tagalog? Sagot: Ang Pilipino ay komiks, ang Tagalog ay klasiks. Siguro nga, nararapat na ang Filipino ay naiintindihan, tinatanggap at ginagamit ng mas nakararami.

Naalala ko na'ng ako'y nagpupunta pa sa aming probinsiya sa Bulacan. Minsan, hindi ko maintindihan ang pag-uusap nila. Pero sigurado akon'ng Tagalog ang kanilang gamit.

Hindi tayo tinuruan ng mga Kastila ng kanilang wika sa takot na magkakaisa tayo't maghimagsik laban sa kanila. Divide and conquer kasi ang ginawa nila sa atin. Sa sobrang galit natin sa kanila, pinatanggal pa natin ang required Spanish subjects sa College.

Sa kabilang banda, tinuruan tayo ng mga Amerikano ng kanilang wika. Ayan, nakuha tuloy nila ang ating puso't diwa. Kaya, heto muli, ibinabalik ang Inggles bilang medium of instruction.

Ano kaya kung lahat ng domestic helper, entertainer, nurse, titser at iba pang OFW ay ituro ang wikang Filipino sa mga taong inaalagaan at nakakasalamuha nila? 'Di kaya masakop ng bansang Pilipinas ang buong mundo? At, ang kagandahan pa ru'n, binabayaran tayo ng dollars upang gawin 'yun.

Marahil nga, kung tayong lahat ay magmamahal sa wikang Filipino tayo'y magkakabuklod-buklod, tulad ng ikinatakot ng mga Espanyol, at ating pangangahalagahan ang ating pagiging Pilipino, tulad ng naging karanasan natin sa mga Amerikano. Hindi na siguro natin ipagmamalaki na tayo lagi ang nasa unahan ng listahan pag ang pinag-uusapan ay ang may pinakamasagwang katangian. At hindi na rin ang Pilipino ang ikatlong karakter sa mga kuwentong patawa.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Driving In Metro Manila, Part 3

I thought I would never write another article on this topic. It took me more than a month to finish Part 2 of this series, and I was about to give up on that one. With movies like "Shrek 3", "Pirates of the Carribean 3", and "Spiderman 3", I felt like writing a Part 3 of this one. And if "Die Hard 4" will come out, I might also post a Part 4.

Actually, this desire to write came about when I surfed technorati.com to see what it offers. And, being conceited, I tried to find all blogs with "driving in Metro Manila" as the topic. I was surprised to find out there were many other blogs (537, as of the last count) ranting on the bad conditions of traffic in Metro Manila. The bloggers complained a lot, although some would say we are better off than other cities, like..., like..., well, I forgot what they were.

Some of the bloggers are foreigners, and this article is written specifically for them. I am offering some tips on who to avoid on the road.

First, let's look at the color or type of license plates on the vehicle:

Blue plates - These are actually white plates with the license numbers colored blue. The plates contain only numbers, not alphanumeric. I guess they don't know how to read, hence they can't follow signs like "STOP" or "YIELD". These vehicles are owned by foreign diplomats, but there is nothing diplomatic in the way they drive.

Red plates - Another plate with white background but red alphanumeric code. Red plates indicate that these are government vehicles, which are marked at the sides with "For Official Use Also". The plates start with the letter S, which means "Sa inyo galing ang panggasolina ko." Avoid these vehicles, especially during weekends, for they just came from SM to buy their groceries.

Yellow plates - These have yellow background with black markings. The codes usually start with the letter P, meaning "Put...", I mean, Public Utility vehicle. Drivers of these vehicles earn a couple of hundred pesos a day, net, which means if you're involved in an accident, it will not matter whose fault it is; you always lose.

Plates that are colored blue, yellow, and green (techni-colored - Normally, an airport or hotel taxi. Usually starts with the letter T, meaning "Tan...". No, I don't think it has a meaning, but that's how I feel about them. Drivers don't use taxi meters, but charge depending on the destination. They cost high, and are always in a hurry to get back to the airport or hotel to get another passenger.

Commemorative plates - These plates are bought by owners who are trying to avoid the coding scheme. It's more hazardous for pedestrians to be involved in an accident with these vehicles. One cannot track down the car that ran over them for it does not have a unique plate number. (POLICE: What's the car's plate number that hit you? VICTIM: ASEAN SUMMIT. POLICE: Ok, that's on the front of the car. What about at the back? VICTIM: Lost Plate.)

I know that one can use commemorative plates for a maximum of one year. There was one I saw which was commemorating UP's Diamond Jubilee. Next year, UP will celebrate its centennial.

Plate numbers with two letters and four digits - Drivers of these vehicles are very dangerous on the road. With masked faces and jackets large enough to hide an AK-47, these drivers weave in and out of traffic, as if there is an invisible force field that will protect them.

Imagine this. You're running at 60 kph, when, all of a sudden, this vehicle would dart from your right, running at 61 kph, and overtaking you. You were just lucky that your reflexes are still working, for you were about to accelerate to 62 kph. Had you done so, you'd surely have killed the other driver.

Of course, you'll be speeding up, for: 1. the car in front of you was also accelerating, and the distance between you and him was getting wider; 2. you looked in your left and right side mirrors and saw no vehicle with flashing turn signals; and, 3. you were a half-car length away from one in front of you, and who is crazy enough to squeeze in between that short gap?

But drivers of these vehicles are really crazy, the craziest being those having at the back of their vehicles a big black or red box marked "Hate Late?".

Vehicles with no license plates - Of course, I'm not including pedestrians here, for they are not vehicles. But they act just the same.

Bikers are like the ones I just previously described. They also move in and out of traffic as if they came from the planet Krypton. The only difference is that the drivers without license plates move to the middle of the road, oh, so, slowly, without looking behind them if there's a driver with a bum stomach wanting to get home fast. That way, if you run over them, there'll be no more argument; it will be your fault. On the other hand, they can't argue anymore for they will just be dead.

One poignant scene is a man pedaling very slow while, directly in front of him, seated on the frame, is another man. Makes me want to sing, "Raindrops keep falling on my head...."

Cars whose license numbers are just single digits - Owners of these vehicles don't know how to count, so how can you expect them to compute the damages on your vehicle so they can pay you? Because they can't do that, then any accident involving both of you will not be their fault. And since you're the one who can count, then it is your fault and you'll be the one to compute the damages that you have to pay to them.

That is, if you're still alive to make the computations.

Aside from knowing what license plates to avoid, here are some more things that foreigners must recognize and be wary of:

Armored cars - Try to avoid these vehicles as much as possible, for, if you bump them, they will think that you're one of the robbers trying to stop them. They'll just bring out their shotguns and shoot at you, claiming self-defense. They believe in the saying, "Shoot first, ask questions later".

Delivery vans - These are small enough to avoid the truck ban, but big enough to bully small vehicles. At the back of these vehicles is the question, "How's my driving?". Below that question is the word "Call", followed by numbers that were scratched out.

One when you can't see the driver - This can be divided further into two:

1. When the car is heavily tinted - That means the driver has brought along his M-16 rifle, ready to be used.
2. When you can't see the driver because he is too short - Since you can't see him, he can't also see you.

The driver is smoking - Get away from these drivers, especially if he has his family with him. If he won't be considerate with the people he loves, how much more will he be considerate to strangers?

When the car is full of hits, rear bumper is missing, right front headlight is smashed, left front fender has a big dent, the window at the left passenger side is covered with transparent plastic, driver's door is held up by abaca rope, etc. - Watch how he drives and you'll know why.

Volvo, BMW, Mercedes - These are very expensive cars. One scratch and you'll have to work the rest of your life paying for it.

Cars with religious stickers - Remember Romans 8:31.

Cars with the sticker that says "We Serve and Protect" and underneath says "Police" - This one got me confused. Does it mean that the passengers of that car are serving and protecting the police? Or that the passengers are being served and protected by the police? Or that the passengers are the police who don't have any clue who they are serving and protecting? In any case, the most prudent thing to do is to move far, far away from those cars.

Finally, there is this situation where you're in traffic for a hour, then you'll hear a siren and see a convoy of Nissan Terranos, F-150's, and other SUVs counter-flowing, ignoring traffic lights, and directing other vehicles to make way for the convoy - The vehicles are owned by high government officials, oblivious of the sufferings being experienced by their constituents. I really don't mind them doing that. With those big vehicles using up so much gasoline, it is better of us, taxpayers, that they arrive at their destination ASAP.

That ends my article, and, hopefully, my series of articles on driving in Metro Manila. As I might not write another one about this topic I'm letting the Vatican have the last word by printing their 10 Commandments for Drivers:

1. You shall not kill.
2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.
3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.
4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.
7. Support the families of accident victims.
8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.
9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.
10. Feel responsible toward others.

P.S. I actually want to have the last word, that's why I'm adding this PS.

WORD