Renewable Marriage

NOTE: Ito ang aking Speech Number 6, na ang pamagat ng project ay Vocal Variety. Ibig sabihin, sa pagbigay ng speech na ito, kailangang bagu-baguhin ko ang tono, lakas, at bilis ng aking boses. Kaya, tulad ng dati, mas magandang napakinggan n'yo ito kesa nabasa.

Women's group wants expiry date on marriage - The Philippine Star

Several weeks ago, I read in the newspaper about a party-list group, 1-ABAA, or Isa Ako Babaeng Astig Aasenso, advocating the expiration of the marriage license in the Philippines. Being a secret member of BAGSIK, (loud) Bagong Alyansa ng mga Ginoong (pause...dejected) Sinisigawan at Inaapi ng mga Kababaihan, I got interested in what the group wants to say.

(whisper) Just don't tell my wife I read the article.

I guess a lot of you here also saw the news. Has anyone read about it? C'mon, don't be shy. Admit that you did, especially husbands whose wives are present. You have nothing to lose but your beds.

Anyway, for those who don't know the issue, 1-ABAA proposed that the marriage license will have a ten-year validity period. A couple of days later, they realized that made a mistake. Marriage licenses in the Philippines have only a 120-day validity. Thus, couples must get married and exchange the license to a contract within 120 days. Else, they will need get another license and undergo, once more, the family planning seminar at City Hall. To correct their earlier pronouncement, 1-ABAA said that it is the marriage, itself, that should have an expiry date.

The party-group made this proposal to “save incompatible couples the trouble of going through a tedious and expensive annulment process” and will “also help cut down the number of annulment cases that have piled up in court”.

I am not here to question the morality or psychological impact once the proposal becomes into a law. I am not like David, who has been a preacher for 23 years. I am just a plain husband, and not even a perfect one. However, being trained as an engineer most of my life, I would like to look at the logic of the proposal, and the first thing that comes into my mind is “Don't be a fool; use the right tool”.

If the problem is the “trouble of going through the process”, then let them be. These are adults who were very aware of the decision they made to get married, and know that annulment will be difficult.

If the problem is expense, provide financial assistance, much like what those human rights lawyers do.

If the problem is the piling up of cases in court, let the Judiciary find ways to expedite hearing and resolving the cases.

I just wonder why problems of specific individuals will have a generic solution.

Another engineering concept comes to my mind: Don't use a (big voice) HUGE hammer to drive a (small voice) tiny nail.

Although marital problems may not really be small nails, I believe that automatic marriage annulments are big hammers that will destroy the home.

I also don't understand why married couples would want to get separated. Isn't it that we, Filipinos, hold marriage sacred, and, hence, we are repeatedly asked before getting married if we are really sure we want to undergo the process? That is why we have a saying, “Ang kasal ay 'di tulad ng kaning isusubo, na iluluwa 'pag napaso.”

Also, during the marriage ceremonies, and they said, “Till death do us part,” I'm sure that almost all of them really meant “physical death”, and not some obscure and vague concept like...ummmm...let me see...ahhh....Yes! Like “love”.

How about the time when the boy was just courting the girl? Or the other way around? Didn't they say that they'll be happy once they “get” their loved ones?

Perhaps, that's where the problem lies: They only thought about the “getting”, and forgot about the “giving”.

Honestly, as I thought more about the proposal, the more I realize that 1-ABAA may have a point. However, I think that ten years is too long. Rather, I believe that the marriage license, contract, vow, or even that obscure and vague concept, love, should be renewed everyday, every hour, every minute, every moment of our lives.

If we will wait for ten years, we might not have anything to renew.

My Dancing Skill

NOTE: Ito ang ika-limang speech ko sa Toastmasters' Club. Hindi ko nailathala ang ika-apat dahil hindi ko 'yun masyadong napaghandaan (kaya't nasa utak lang lahat), at hango rin ang speech na 'yun mula sa isa kong post dito ('yung "Lengguwahe").

Ang pamagat ng assignment na ito ay "Your Body Speaks". Nangangahulugang kailangang samahan ng body language ang aking talumpati.

Sayang nga lang at hindi n'yo makikita ang aking body language, na kadalasa'y pagsasayaw. Pinaghandaan ko pa naman siya ng todo. Kahit ngayong isinusulat ko ito sa Blogger, naiiisip ko ang aking ginawa at natutuwa pa rin ako.

(entrance background song: "I want nobody, nobody, but you! I want nobody, nobody but you...!")
My dear fellow Toastmasters and friends. Good evening!

That sure was a very enjoyable induction last Saturday. I would like to congratulate everybody for working hard to make the event very successful. We all deserve a round of applause!

While practicing for the presentation, a lot of people thought that I was a natural dancer. That wasn't so many years ago. I , then, had three left feet, which makes me clumsier than someone who had two. I would stumble on my partner, or, worse (action: as if stepping on partner's foot) ...OOPSSS! Sorry.

I didn't learn those “in” dances in my younger days. I cannot dance the Hustle ("Do The Hustle! Doot dit doot di root di rit doo rit...."), El Bimbo ("El Bimbo! Bailamos El Bimbo, Bimbo, Bimbo...."), or even the “Maski Paps” ("Said, Looking fer' job in a city. Said, Working for a man every night and day...."). “Maski Paps” is short for “Maski Papano”, meaning, just move your body and you're already dancing. So, I just concentrated on learning two styles: the Sweet ("Wise men say, looks like rain today...."), and the Very Sweet ("Let her cry for she's a lady....").

(Background: "Last Dance")
I remember when I was in 4th year High School, our school had a dancing party. There was a batchmate whom I had a big crush. All through the night I was so shy going to her and asking her to dance. On the other hand, she would dance to whoever asked her, even those in the lower years.

I realized that the night was getting late. My father is about to arrive and fetch me. A slow music was played and I thought that this could be my last chance to dance with her.

I glanced to her left, then to her right. No guy within ten feet was approaching her. That's good. I slowly went to her. She was looking at the dance floor, where many couples were now dancing. Her gaze did not even go to my direction. She is like a Toastmaster while I'm the Table Topic Master.

I glanced around her. No guy within twenty feet was approaching her. And that's very good. But before I can say, “May I have this dance?” when...SNAP ("So let's dance to the Last Dance....") ...the pace of the music went fast. Oh no! I could not dance to that! I backed off, turned around and walked away. I looked back and saw a swarm of guys walking fast towards her.

However, I believed that I had the genes of a dancer. My grandfather was once a Dance Instructor. Actually, he was the third husband of my grandmother so I cannot claim any blood relation with him. But two of my uncles became DI's. I watched them during family reunions as they danced so gracefully with my aunts. I imagined I could do the same.

They also earned good money. I thought that being a DI was a healthy and profitable second career. If only I can convince my wife...!

A few years back, my boss, who also liked to dance, hired a DI so we can learn ballroom dancing in the office. I learned the cha-cha ("Oh la ruz, Cha-cha-cha, Oh la ruz, Oh la la...."), the Salsa ("Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking...."), and, my favorite, the tango ("La Cumparsita" - "Pam pa ra ram, pam pa ram pam pa ram, pam pa ram pa ram, pam pam!" - with matching dip of partner). Luckily, she's not heavy.

I now reflected how I, once having three left feet, am now down to one an a half. I don't think I'm that good enough to dance with a sexy girl competing in Dance Sport. Still, I know that I gained some skill in dancing, and I learned that skill by observing those who danced very well, believing I could dance, visualizing myself dancing, and did dance, correcting any mistake along the way.

Then, I thought, this could be a good technique in learning a new skill, whether it is to dance, to execute a back hand, to speak in public, to lead a group, or to be honest. First, observe, and, if possible, get a mentor. Second, believe that you can attain that skill. Anyway, whether you believe that you can, or believe that you cannot, you're right. Third, visualize yourself already having that skill. Fourth, actually do it. I think it was John Maxwell who said that even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you don't move. Fifth, correct any mistake and remember that mistakes are not failures but are learning opportunities. Finally, repeat the process until you have mastered that skill.

And to show to you my dancing skill I would like to invite someone to dance with me right now. Anyway, I've already prepared my five pesos just in case I go on overtime.

Music please... (ending music: "Last Dance")

Why Tithe?

NOTE: Ito ang ikatlo kong speech sa Toastmasters' Club. Ang pamagat ng assignment ay "Get To The Point". Kailangang may general purpose, tulad ng to inform, to persuade, to inspire, o to entertain. Kailangang meron ding specific purpose at ma-achieve ang mga purpose na ito. Sa pag-deliver ng speech na ito, kailangang mag-project ng sinseridad at conviction, walang pangamba, at hindi nagbabasa ng notes. Siyempre, malalalaman lang ang huli kung nandun kayo't nakita akong nagsalita. At least, makikita n'yo kung naabot ko 'yung malaman ng mga tao kung ano ang aking general at specific purposes. Nakita n'yo ba?

ISA PANG NOTE: May grammatical error dito. Kita n'yo kung saan?

Two dollar bills, one was a hundred while the other was a one-dollar bill, were about to be put out of circulation by the Treasury Department. As they were awaiting to be shredded, the hundred dollar bill said, "Life has been very good. I've been to different places all over the world, like Paris, London, Tokyo, Sydney, and that most beautiful city of all, Cebu. Yes, I've no regrets; life has been good to me."

"How about you," it asked the one-dollar bill. "What places have you been to all your life?"

The one-dollar bill replied, "Church, church, church...."

Tithing is one of the more controversial issues in churches. There are those that say God has never commanded us to tithe, while others claim that tithing is a biblical law. Then there are others who say that giving ten percent of our income is not applicable anymore since St. Paul, in his second letter to the Corinthians, removed such a limit. This way, giving to churches is not called tithing anymore, but called love offering.

I will not delve on the legality of tithing, or how much percentage of one's income should be given. Rather, I will show the benefits of giving. I will also use the words “tithing”, “offering” and “giving” interchangeably.

The first benefit is that I believe tithing helps us to avoid "serving mammon".

Consider this. If something is very precious to you, would you just give it away? Won't you rather hold on to this precious something?

Now, consider another. If something is very precious to you, and you freely gave it away, what then do you cherish more, the thing that you gave away or the recipient of that thing?

Jesus warned us of having to choose between God and mammon (Matthew 6:24 / Luke 16:13). By parting with our material goods, we are also choosing which is more important.

The second benefit is that tithing helps the church to continue with its functions.

We may not be of this world, but we are in this world. That means we have to follow the rules of the world, and one of that is economics.

Our places of worship use electricity. Our ministers and missionaries have their basic needs. All these cost money, and our offerings help to defray these costs.

With our tithes, we become a part to bring into reality that petition "Thy kingdom come".

Third, we are blessed when we tithe.

In Malachi 3:10, God dares the Israelites to bring the whole tithes into His storehouse, and see so much blessings poured onto them. It is as if God had made a game with them, to see who can give more. Of course, it is a game which, fortunately, the Israelites will never win, for they can never out give the Giver.

Although some may question the interpretation of this passage, I, for one, have experienced so much blessings when giving to the church. I may still have problems, especially financial ones, but, whenever there is a very pressing need for money, somehow help always comes.

Of course, it is self-defeating if we give because we expect to receive. We'll just go back to the question "which is more important, God or mammon?" And I'm sure Manny Pacquiao will agree with me when I say, “It is better to give than to receive”.... You know!

Tithing, then, is more of a spiritual act than an economic one. Some say that there should be a sense of sacrifice when we give. I heard one priest say, "Give until it hurts."

Of course, God can provide to His ministers and missionaries. Just as He gave manna to His people as they crossed the desert, He, too, can give to the needs of His workers. So, why tithe?

No, God does not need to receive, but we need to give.

The Disadvantages of Having a Unique Nickname

NOTE: Ito ang pangalawa kong speech sa Toastmasters' Club. Ang pakay nito'y gumawa ng isang outline upang maging logical ang speech, at maintindihan ng mabuti ng mga taga-pakinig. Kailangang may strong opening at strong ending. Ano sa palagay n'yo, nakamit ko ba ang objective para sa aking pangalawang speech?

Most of you heard my Basic Speech # 1, where I recounted my decision to change my nickname from Danny to Balty, and attributed that change to help me become a better person.

As I was preparing for that speech, I realized that having Balty as a nickname has its disadvantages.

One such disadvantage became apparent just a couple of months after I made the change. A classmate of mine called me up at home and asked for me. He later realized that he should have been more specific; you see, we were all Balty in that house.

I was fortunate that my brother and sister did not resent that I used our family name for my nickname. What right did I have, me, being the middle child? You know what it means to be a middle child: not being the oldest, hence not the favorite of the father, nor not being the youngest, hence not the favorite of the mother. Among the siblings the middle child is the most neglected, the most ignored, but the most intelligent of all.

It was also fortunate that my brother did not use our middle name, Garcia, for his nickname. You know what can happen. One day, I'm going to call him on his Motorola cell phone and say, “Hello, Garci?”

Unlike the name Balty, several songs have been written for Danny. We have “Danny Boy” - “Oh, Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes are callin',” a song where my mother got my name, being her favorite. Then there's Loggins and Messina's “Danny's Song” - “Even though we ain't got honey, I'm so in love with your money,” or something like that. And there's the Hebrew derivative, “Daniel” - “Daniel's traveling tonight on a plane.” Unfortunately, he wasn't taking PAL because we don't have a flight to “Spa-ee-ee-yin!”

Just an aside, these are famous songs that, I'm sure, you are familiar with. Perhaps, you just did not recognize them by the way I sang these songs. But, rest assured, you know them very well.

Going back, since Balty is not a popular name, I had to spell it to the barrista every time I had to order coffee at Starbucks. I wouldn't have such a problem had I been using Danny. We all know that Danny is spelled D-A-N-I.

Some friends called me Baltic, after that cartoon strip, “Baltic and Company”. Being very thin, I looked more like Dyani than Mr. Baltic.

And do you know what “Baltic” means? No, it doesn't mean “handsome”. Rather, when you have “Baltic”, it means there's something loose in your brain.

Others would ask if I have the same name as that of the character in the 90's sitcom “Perfect Strangers”. I would always answer, “That's Balky, I'm Balty. Balky is cute, I'm not.”

Being unique, the name Balty is easy to remember. Now, is that a disadvantage? Yes, for me. You see, I have a poor memory when it comes to names. So, when I meet old friends and acquaintances, they could easily mention my name, whereas, I would rack my brains trying to remember even just the starting letter of their names. Sometimes, my wife would wonder why I have so many “kumpares” and “kumares”.

There are many more disadvantages that I thought of, and I could go on and on, but since I have only seven minutes to give this speech I dare not exceed my time limit lest I pay a fine.

Change really do have its advantages and disadvantages. Often, we have to weigh the advantages and the disadvantages before we make the change. However, some would magnify the disadvantages, not because that is so, but because they fear the change, afraid of the possible consequences it may bring.

Just like a crab who needs to shed off its shell in order to become bigger, we also need to change in order to grow. As my high school Biology teacher had said, growth is a characteristic of living things. Implication: If we don't change, we're not really living.

Of course, not all change is good, like changing your spouse.

But just like the crab, we can become vulnerable to the environment and predators, and even to our friends and loved ones, if we make a change. However, change we must if we are to reach our potential. It may be painful, but, in the end, it may be beneficial.

As a very famous person once said (and I forgot his name), “Whatever does not kill me, strengthens me.”

Why I Have This Nickname by Danilo "Balty" Baltazar

NOTE: Sumali ako sa Toastmasters' Club dito sa San Miguel Corporation (SMC), Mandaue, Cebu. Libre ang beer t'wing meeting. Ito ang una kong speech na ang tema ay ang pagpapakilala sa sarili.

Someone told me that if you're cute when you were young you become ugly as you get old, and the opposite is true. As I stand here in front of you, I'm sure you can imagine how very, very ugly I was then. I was so ugly that my mother, the only person who should have loved my face, said to her friends that my younger brother was handsome. Have you noticed anything about the adjective? It wasn't even in the comparative form! And the sad part was that it was I, not my brother, who was present in that conversation.

When I was in Elementary, we were not poor but my parents did not let me feel we were rich. They gave me only one peso as my “baon”, my pocket money, enough to buy me two bottles of Coke, at fifty centavos each, one for recess and the other one for lunch. You see, my only motivation then of going to school was that I was able to buy and drink Coke, so that's the only thing that I bought with my one peso. I didn't care for the education, nor did I have many friends. Today, it's different. My motivation of going here in SMC Toastmaster's Meeting is the beer...and the opportunity to learn...and, of course, the people.

Back to my story.

My problem, then, was that I needed to add fifteen centavos as deposit for the bottle. After spending fifty centavos during recess, I only had exactly fifty centavos for lunch, and no extra for the bottle deposit. So, during recess, I would scour around the campus, trying to find any bottle lying around, thrown by a rich kid who didn't bother lining up and getting back his money.

Being ugly and being poor is a deadly combination that undermines a child's self-esteem. Yes, I had a very, very low one. It was so bad that I contemplated on killing myself. Fortunately, I had low tolerance to pain, and I knew that thrusting a knife on my chest will hurt a lot. I also abhorred taking medicine, so, drinking poison was not an option. Furthermore, I cannot throw myself down the stair to break my neck; living in a bungalow, there were only four steps on our stair, enough for one complete cycle of Oro-Plata-Mata.

During this time my classmates were forming new nicknames, based on our surnames. So, we had Alvi Alvero, Rebi Rebosura, Rozy Rozal....my classmate loved that last one. I wondered why for we were in an all-boys' school.

When I reached high school the very first thing our classroom advisor did was to ask us what our nickname was. An idea came to my mind -- here is a chance to “kill” my old self, Danny, and give birth to a new one, Balty, a timely lesson for this season of Lent. So, I decided to give Balty as my nickname, which stuck. In fact, my mother, sister, and brother are now calling me Balty. It's as if Danny never existed.

Committing this virtual suicide was good because, first, it was painless. And, second, I did not break the sixth commandment.... Sorry, the sixth commandment is “Thou shalt not commit adultery”. That, I often break. What I meant was that I did not break the fifth commandment.... Yes, that's the one!

I now believe that with this simple act of changing my nickname from Danny to Balty helped me a lot to achieve what I am now. It has made me more outgoing, less shy, and an eetsy-bitsy-teeny-tiny bit funnier. I still have low self-esteem, but, at least, I was able to remove two “very's”.